25 Funny one-liners!

We have chosen 25 funniest one liners for you. Using them is at your discretion.

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  1. I would slap you but that would be animal abuse
  2. I could eat a bowl of alphabet soup and shit out a smarter statement than you.
  3. Don’t let your mind wander, it is far too small to be out by itself.
  4. So you have changed your mind? Does this work any better?
  5. I am busy now, can I ignore you another time?

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  6. I may be fat but you are ugly and at least I can lose weight.
  7. Your birth certificate is an apology letter to your parents from the hospital.
  8. Have you been shopping lately? They are selling lives there. You should go get one.
  9. Keep talking someday you might say something intelligent.
  10. Person insulting you said Fail

You: We did not ask for your life story thanks.

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  1. Wife: “I look fat. Can you give me a compliment?” Husband: “You have perfect eyesight.”
  2. Don’t you love nature, despite what it did to you?
  3. If I had a face like yours, I’d sue my parents.
  4. If I wanted to kill myself I’d climb your ego and jump to your IQ.
  5. So, a thought crossed your mind? Must have been a long and lonely journey.
  6. Support bacteria – they’re the only culture some people have.
  7. We all sprang from apes, but you didn’t spring far enough

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  8. I love what you’ve done with your hair. How do you get it to come out of the nostrils like that?
  9. How come “you’re a peach” is a complement but “you’re bananas” is an insult? Why are we allowing fruit discrimination to tear society apart?
  10. If bullshit could float…you’d be the Admiral of the fleet!
  11. You’re IQ’s lower than your shoe size
  12. You are living proof that manure can sprout legs and walk.
  13. What would you call a woman who goes out with You? Desperate!
  14. You and your pictures have something in common. I want to hang you.